i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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