I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
