Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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