It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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