C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
wanna go halves on a baby?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
