this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
