it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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