i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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