a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
