If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
