i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
