Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
