Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's always time for handjobs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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