I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
