i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
