i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
