i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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