The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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