U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
