He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
