i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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