Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
