help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
