PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
