I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
