I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
