you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
