I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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