I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
