Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

wakey wakey hands off snakey

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(806): View more from Texas

My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.

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(905): View more from Toronto

me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".

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(678): View more from Georgia

Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.

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(905): View more from Ontario

It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.

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(818): View more from California

DRUNK COOKIES

(1-818): View more from California

Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?

(818): View more from California

Yes

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