party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
