he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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