That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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