I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
