Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
