Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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