just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
