So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
