I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
