Non-Jews are for practice
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
