What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
