where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
