Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
