before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
