I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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