He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
