yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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