You made me cry and you don't even care
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
