I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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