moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
