How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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